April 23, 2014

A Question of Superiority: Does Uncle Sam Have the Biggest Dick?

As Putin pounds his chest and indulges in delusions of grandeur, the world finds itself in an all too familiar predicament. A major power acts according to its best interest, and the global community huffs and puffs, threatening everything but violence. However, despite all the hot air blowing from the West, deep down everyone knows it’s all a show. Pragmatism, ...

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American Anger: The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Cultural Warfare

Humans are an abundant, easily replaced natural resource. An ever-growing collective, eagerly waiting to be coddled, angered and frightened into submission. Politics, in essence, is the art of capitalizing on these emotional instincts. Appealing to the best and worst elements of human nature, cultivating a base of useful idiots, and then skillfully leveraging that primal energy to eradicate anyone who ...

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Dear Obama: Sincerely, a Concerned Millennial

Every few decades, a political figure emerges that is capable of transcending Washington’s elitist, bureaucratic bullshit. Individuals with such conviction, such strength of character that they are willing to sacrifice their careers, even their own lives for the greater good of the nation. Unfortunately, Obama isn’t one of these politicians. Considering he was the first person I ever voted for, ...

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Sucking Off Uncle Sam and Getting Screwed: An American Love Story — Part One

Once hailed as the ultimate manifestation of humanity’s raw ambition and undying thirst for personal liberty, America has fallen far from its position as a global beacon of light. Tragically, the grand social experiment engineered by our founding fathers wasn’t built to withstand a twenty-first century onslaught of corporate greed and technological innovation. As a result, the U.S. finds itself ...

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National Security Agency: The Subtle Art of Sodomizing Lady Liberty

As America spent the first half of October choking on its own bureaucratic filth, the consequences of a “government shutdown” were sensationalized to the point of nausea. Although this selfish display of political theater burdened hundreds of thousands, it mostly served to distract the nation from a much more unpleasant reality. This, of course, is the fact that the NSA ...

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