October 20, 2014

The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Internet Fandoms: Being Worshipped by the Worthless

So, you want to become a god. You want to rise above the herd, embodying the hopes and dreams of the desperate masses. Whether Roman gladiators, industrial age dictators, British pop singers or the latest viral YouTube sensation, mediocre pissants have flocked to charismatic individuals since time immemorial. Undoubtedly, the information age has accelerated the growth of these cults of ...

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Terminally Ill: The Inevitable Death of Modern English

Of all the weapons known to man, language is the most powerful. A silver tongue can lead nations to war and undress someone else’s wife. From grunts and groans to grand poetic epics and holy books, it’s always served as a fundamental building block of civilization. When considering the many languages that have flourished, English remains the uncontested victor in ...

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All-American Oligarchy: The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Raping the Constitution

Welcome to America, where corporations are people and the homeless are considered road kill. Whether you’re an aspiring tyrant or simply a greedy douche, you’ll find this to be a land of ample opportunity. Still, in order to fully enjoy the fruits of exerting your will over the peasantry, it’s important for any self-respecting oligarch to understand the mechanisms behind ...

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A Question of Superiority: Does Uncle Sam Have the Biggest Dick?

As Putin pounds his chest and indulges in delusions of grandeur, the world finds itself in an all too familiar predicament. A major power acts according to its best interest, and the global community huffs and puffs, threatening everything but violence. However, despite all the hot air blowing from the West, deep down everyone knows it’s all a show. Pragmatism, ...

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American Anger: The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Cultural Warfare

Humans are an abundant, easily replaced natural resource. An ever-growing collective, eagerly waiting to be coddled, angered and frightened into submission. Politics, in essence, is the art of capitalizing on these emotional instincts. Appealing to the best and worst elements of human nature, cultivating a base of useful idiots, and then skillfully leveraging that primal energy to eradicate anyone who ...

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