Review Category : Millennial Angst

Orange Cataclysm: The Judicial Consequences of a Trump Administration

Behind the rise of every tyrant, you’ll find legions of sycophants and Machiavellian opportunists. Rabid hyenas jumping from scapegoat to scapegoat, engorging themselves by feasting on the dignity of others. However, perhaps even more reprehensible, you have those who realize the threat and choose to do nothing. For some, this spawns from apathy, a sense that their lives will remain ...

Read More →

The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Donald Trump

Scratch the surface of any gilded government, and you’re bound to find the promise of collective rule, with elections providing a treasure trove of fool’s gold. Cue the lights, camera, and action — populate a stage with plastic people, then anxiously bet on which one melts first. In this environment, a man like Donald Trump is bound to excel. One-half ...

Read More →

Racism, Riots and Ratings: Has America’s Melting Pot Become a Powder Keg?

Ah, the holiday season. A time of compassion, universal brotherhood, mass consumerism, and of course, violent race relations. Yet, this is a tale as familiar as Charlie Brown’s Christmas. In fact, the current civil unrest is tame in comparison to that of the late 60s; an era that witnessed riots so extreme that they were almost indistinguishable from revolutionary warfare, ...

Read More →

All-American Nightmare: The Right to Be Scared Shitless

If you were to take a snapshot of America’s collective consciousness, you’d see pestilence, apathy, wars and rumors of wars. A nation born in blood and ruled by fear. A bastion of culture and science, yet also a grim manifestation of humanity’s most primal elements. The self-preservation instinct, in particular, is an adhesive that keeps any social contract intact. Unfortunately, ...

Read More →

Terminally Ill: The Inevitable Death of Modern English

Of all the weapons known to man, language is the most powerful. A silver tongue can lead nations to war and undress someone else’s wife. From grunts and groans to grand poetic epics and holy books, it’s always served as a fundamental building block of civilization. When considering the many languages that have flourished, English remains the uncontested victor in ...

Read More →

All-American Oligarchy: The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Raping the Constitution

Welcome to America, where corporations are people and the homeless are considered road kill. Whether you’re an aspiring tyrant or simply a greedy douche, you’ll find this to be a land of ample opportunity. Still, in order to fully enjoy the fruits of exerting your will over the peasantry, it’s important for any self-respecting oligarch to understand the mechanisms behind ...

Read More →

American Anger: The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Cultural Warfare

Humans are an abundant, easily replaced natural resource. An ever-growing collective, eagerly waiting to be coddled, angered and frightened into submission. Politics, in essence, is the art of capitalizing on these emotional instincts. Appealing to the best and worst elements of human nature, cultivating a base of useful idiots, and then skillfully leveraging that primal energy to eradicate anyone who ...

Read More →

Sucking Off Uncle Sam and Getting Screwed: An American Love Story — Part One

Once hailed as the ultimate manifestation of humanity’s raw ambition and undying thirst for personal liberty, America has fallen far from its position as a global beacon of light. Tragically, the grand social experiment engineered by our founding fathers wasn’t built to withstand a twenty-first century onslaught of corporate greed and technological innovation. As a result, the U.S. finds itself ...

Read More →

National Security Agency: The Subtle Art of Sodomizing Lady Liberty

As America spent the first half of October choking on its own bureaucratic filth, the consequences of a “government shutdown” were sensationalized to the point of nausea. Although this selfish display of political theater burdened hundreds of thousands, it mostly served to distract the nation from a much more unpleasant reality. This, of course, is the fact that the NSA ...

Read More →