Terminally Ill: The Inevitable Death of Modern English

Of all the weapons known to man, language is the most powerful. A silver tongue can lead nations to war and undress someone else’s wife. From grunts and groans to grand poetic epics and holy books, it’s always served as a fundamental building block of civilization. When considering the many languages that have flourished, English remains the uncontested victor in ...

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All-American Oligarchy: The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Raping the Constitution

Welcome to America, where corporations are people and the homeless are considered road kill. Whether you’re an aspiring tyrant or simply a greedy douche, you’ll find this to be a land of ample opportunity. Still, in order to fully enjoy the fruits of exerting your will over the peasantry, it’s important for any self-respecting oligarch to understand the mechanisms behind ...

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American Anger: The Complete Asshole’s Guide to Cultural Warfare

Humans are an abundant, easily replaced natural resource. An ever-growing collective, eagerly waiting to be coddled, angered and frightened into submission. Politics, in essence, is the art of capitalizing on these emotional instincts. Appealing to the best and worst elements of human nature, cultivating a base of useful idiots, and then skillfully leveraging that primal energy to eradicate anyone who ...

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Sucking Off Uncle Sam and Getting Screwed: An American Love Story — Part One

Once hailed as the ultimate manifestation of humanity’s raw ambition and undying thirst for personal liberty, America has fallen far from its position as a global beacon of light. Tragically, the grand social experiment engineered by our founding fathers wasn’t built to withstand a twenty-first century onslaught of corporate greed and technological innovation. As a result, the U.S. finds itself ...

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National Security Agency: The Subtle Art of Sodomizing Lady Liberty

As America spent the first half of October choking on its own bureaucratic filth, the consequences of a “government shutdown” were sensationalized to the point of nausea. Although this selfish display of political theater burdened hundreds of thousands, it mostly served to distract the nation from a much more unpleasant reality. This, of course, is the fact that the NSA ...

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